Severe Morning Sickness


I haven’t update in long time, have I? Well, thats partly because I’m lazy and mostly because I do suffer from morning sickness. It all hit from week 6, and lets say hit the peak at week 8, and again, last weekend at week 10.
Start from thursday night I have vomit several times, and friday I got to the point where I can’t eat, whenever I eat, I vomit. Like every 30 mins, I’m not vomit when I pushed myself to sleep. I feel like a living dead literally. To keep me from dehydration, I forced myself to swallow a sip of water every 30 mins too.
On Saturday, I didn’t get any better so I went to a hospital and they hook an IV and I feel better already, I have to spend the night at hospital tho, and they let me go on Sunday afternoon after I insist I already feeling better.
Up until now I still take my nausea meds, still too afraid to not take them. But since it almost 12 weeks, I really hope my morning sickness will simmer down soon.

What I Feel When I First Found Out


I was shaking, can’t belive my eyes. I expected BFN because all of the cramps. So I ran to my room woke my husband. So funny, didn’t seem surprised. Its like he knew it before I do.
After that, still shaking I posted the pic in Instagram for more confirmation. It still feel unreal for me, even now.
And after BFP, more pregnancy symptoms hit me. My boobs are sore like crazy. You know the sore boobs you had before AF and on TWW? Double it by a hundred. Yes, its that sore.
And I get hungry every two hours. Which is kinda funny,its a weird stomach empty feeling.

my BFP symptoms

what different this month :
1. I pray a lot more, having relationship with The Creator is total help.
2. I drink traditional drink I got from a midwife, its supposed to open up my cervix so sperm can enter easily, turned out I had “tight cervix opening”.
3. Got EWCM on fertile week, and no spotting like usual on O Day (I’ve had spotting on FW for the past 4 months).

the list of my symptoms :
1-5 dpo : nothing, just a little tired. nothing unusual.
6-7 dpo : slight pelvic pain, tired, gassy, super bloating (I do feel tired, bloating, and gassy every cycle so its not a major sign)
8 dpo : a tiny drop of red blood after BD.
9 dpo – 11 dpo : I feel like AF will be here any minute. constant cramps (dull ache) just like AF sign, last for 10 mins everytime. Still tired and gassy.
12 dpo : very emotional, boobs start to sore until its hurt when laying down and to touch. I feel out totally.
and I found a new pregnancy symptom : swollen gums and stuffy nose.
13 dpo : AF supposed to show today or tomorrow, wanna go to donate my blood, so I took a test, and yep, faint line. but its there. BFP I guess 🙂
14dpo : tested again. And another BFP 😄

Now I feel like I pee a lot, and the stomach cramps still there.

How To Cope With The Dreadful TWW

Two Week Wait Survival Tip #1: Stop Obsessing Over “Pregnancy Symptoms”

OK, perhaps it’s too much to ask you to flat-out stop obsessing. But at the very least, take whatever pregnancy “symptom” you think you’re having along with a grain of salt.

Many of the so-called early signs of pregnancy are caused by the hormones that are naturally present every two week wait. This is why those months when you were sure you were pregnant, because you felt pregnant, didn’t result in a positive pregnancy test.

Feeling pregnant does not always mean that you are, and keeping in mind that the “signs” don’t mean anything can help lower your anxiety.

Two Week Wait Survival Tip #2: Keep Busy

Ever notice how time seems to slow down when you’re either really nervous about something, or anxiously awaiting a deadline? Kind of like how the night before an exciting holiday has the same number of hours as every other day, but they tick by so much slower.

The two week wait can be like this. One way to help the time go by faster, or at least in normal speed, is by keeping busy. Keeping busy may mean working more, but it can also mean planning meaningful, distracting fun.

For example, perhaps the two week wait would be a great time to:

Schedule a date with your partner, or with some friends.
Rent or go see a movie.
Plan a day for those errands you keep not getting around to doing.
Learn a new hobby you’ve been meaning to pursue.
Clean out a closet or two. (Imagine how neat the house could be if every two week wait, we passed the time cleaning! I’m not sharing this tip with my husband…)

It doesn’t really matter how you fill the time, as long as you fill it with something.

Two Week Wait Survival Tip #3: Schedule Obsessing Time

This sounds odd, but it actually works. Even if you’re not consciously analyzing each sniffle as a potential pregnancy sign, it may be lurking in the back of your brain. We pretend we’re not obsessing during the two week wait, but we’re working slower, we’re spacey, and we’re generally more anxious.

One way to deal with this is to schedule 15 minutes, once or twice a day, to obsess about the two week wait, in whatever way you’d like.

That might mean scouring your BBT chart for signs, or getting out your calendar and counting (for the tenth time) how many more days until you can take a pregnancy test. It might mean visiting online fertility forums to vent about your two week wait frustrations, or reading and commenting on fertility blogs.

Whatever you do, though, schedule the time. You make a promise to yourself that you’re only going to be ‘two-week-wait crazy’ between 8:30 and 8:45 a.m., and 7:30 and 7:45 p.m., for example.

It sounds like it wouldn’t work, but actually it can.
Two Week Wait Survival Tip #4: Get Support from People who Understand

Having someone to talk to during your scheduled obsessing time, or any time for that matter, can help you cope with the two week wait. It can also help you cope with other aspects of infertility. Infertility is very difficult emotionally, and you don’t have to do it alone.

A few ways you can find support include:

Connecting with others online in fertility forums or on social media (Be sure to connect with me on Facebook and Twitter!)
Teaching your friends and family how to support you
Joining a live infertility support group
Finding a therapist who specializes in infertility

I personally have not tried out a live infertility support group, but I’ve heard many good things from women who have. I have found great support online, and I think my online fertility-challenged friends have made the entire process of trying to get pregnant so much easier for me. (Emotionally, anyway.)

I’ve also found therapy to be a great way to cope with infertility, including the two week wait.

Two Week Wait Survival Tip #5: Use Relaxation Techniques to Feel Calmer

Relaxation techniques can be of great help during this time. There are many ways to deal with anxiety, from breathing exercises to meditation.

Guided imagery has been shown in research studies to help lower stress and anxiety levels, and I highly recommend the audio program Help with Fertility. There is an excellent book on yoga and fertility, Fully Fertile, which talks about using yoga for relaxation. Acupuncture is another option for stress relief, and may even improve your fertility.

Two Week Wait Survival Tip #6: Write Out All Your ‘What-Ifing’

Sometimes, writing out all your ‘what-ifing’ can help you get the racing thoughts out of your head. Ask yourself one of your what-if questions, and then answer the question yourself. The idea isn’t to talk yourself out of being afraid, but to get to the core of what you’re worrying about. It’s almost like playing therapist with yourself.

You’d be amazed how wise you can be at answering your own anxieties, if you’ll only take the time to talk to yourself and respect your fears and worries.

Two Week Wait Survival Tip #7: Go Easy on the Pregnancy Tests

Some women develop an addiction to taking pregnancy tests during the two week wait. I don’t mean waiting until your period is late and then taking a test. I’m talking to those of you who take a test way too early, like five days before your period is due.

I understand the idea behind taking early tests — you’re hoping that maybe you’ll get a positive result, and then the rest of the two week wait will be easier to get through. If only it would work that way.

The problem is this: the chances of getting a positive result on a pregnancy test before your period is late is very, very slim.

What happens instead? You take a test, get a negative, and feel disappointed — even while telling yourself that you know it doesn’t really count, since it was too early.

My opinion? Best to just wait until your period is late and avoid the extra aggravation.

source :

Enough with the tips from google!
Now, how do I cope?
1. I will reading novels. My TBR list is too long, and fanfic always a good distraction either. Imagine drooling over Daryl Dixon.
2. I’m posting A LOT to this blog. Might be a good idea too to write every time I want to anyway. You know just to vent, who cares if no one read this :p
3. Me trying not to take HPT. I just have only ONE HPT left. only ONE. and it’s an expensive one. So I won’t waste it away unless AF’s late.
4. And the last one, see that post above on how good is it to find community? It is. I started an IG account just for TTC so I feel free to post and all without feeling anxious on who could read. and there are a lot of great TTC sisters community on IG too. If you there, be sure to follow me @ttcmybelle. I follow back every TTC sisters! 🙂

Dealing With Two Week Wait (TWW) 7DPO today.

Two Week Wait

It’s hard. I could spend every minute to listing symptoms and obsessing whether I’m pregnant or I’m out this month. I’m only 7 dpo now, which mean I’m just halfway there. (*insert scream here : REALLY??)

But after my experience last month, this cycle I’m trying to be more careless. Like I won’t count every symptoms, and no, I won’t test until AF due. That’s the promise I made myself.

But however, today, I feel a little out of tune, I suddenly feel mellow and all I think is how not fair is it, when I want a baby so bad, it just feel so hard while the other seems to get it almost too easy?

My co-workers didn’t understand the struggle, easy for them, they got pregnant soon after they married, without even trying, and one of them just got pregnant the next month after married despite of her non regular cycle. Lucky bitch. Excuse my language, please.

But I know the saying, something you try so hard to get, you’ll treasure it more than who didn’t try at all. Looking at my friends yelling at their baby makes me feeling that a lot. I mean, how could you?

This time today too, I feel like I want to give up, like it’s pointless. To hope to hope and just to be down over and over again. I just praying that God will give me strength. And lucky me, I got a very caring husband who doesn’t fret every time I’m in bad mood. He always be there and asking what he could do to make me feel better. God bless him.

Now, because I want to deal with TWW, I do some browsing and I stumbled upon Two Week Wait Survival Tips, which is kinda a good idea to try. Post it after this 🙂

TTC Abbreviation List

Before someone kill me because I talk in alien language, here is TTC abbreviation list :

~2WW … 2 Week Wait (14DPO on average)
~AF… Aunt Flo (ie: period)
~AFNW … Aunt Flo Not Wanted
~AFSA … Aunt Flo Stay Away
~BBT … Basal Body Temperature
~BD … Baby Dancing
~BCP … Birth Control Pills
~BFP … Big Fat Positive
~BFN … Big Fat Negative
~BMS … Baby-making Sex
~BT… Blood Pregnancy Test (HCG Levels)
~BTDT…Been There Done That
~C … Cycle
~CB … Cycle Buddy
~CD … Cycle Day
~CF … Cervical Fluid
~CL… Corpus Luteum
~CM … Cervical Mucus
~CNM … Certified Nurse Midwife
~CP… Cervical Position
~DD… Dear Daughter
~DH … Dear Husband
~DI … Donor Insemination
~DP… Dancing Partner; spouse, or significant other
~DPO … Days Post-ovulation
~DS… Dear Son
~Dx … Diagnosis
~Endo … Endometriosis
~EC… Embryo Cyro/Freezing
~EDD… Estimated Due Date
~EPT … Early Pregnancy Test
~ET … Embryo Transfer
~EWCM … Egg White Cervical Mucus
~FF … Fertility Friend
~FMU … First Morning Urine
~FTTA … Fertile Thoughts To All
~FRER… First Response Early Response
~FX… Fingers Crossed
~GL … Good Luck
~GP … General Practitioner
~GWV…Get Well Vibes
~H&H … Healthy & Happy
~HCG … Human Chorionic Gonadotropin – detected by HPTs
~HPT … Home Pregnancy Test
~HRT … Hormone Replacement Therapy
~HTH … Hope That Helps
~IF … Infertility
~IPS … Imaginary Pregnancy Symptoms
~IUI… Intrauterine Insemination
~IVF … In Vitro Fertilization
~LH… Luteinizing Hormone0 detected by OPKs
~LMP … Last Menstrual Period (start date)
~LO … Love Olympics (Love Making)
~LOL … Laugh Out Loud or Lots Of Love
~LP … Luteal Phase
~LPD … Luteal Phase Defect
~M/C…. Miscarriage
~M/S … Morning Sickness
~NP … Nurse Practitioner
~OV (O) … Ovulation. Variants: Oed, Oing
~OB… Obstetrician/Gynecologist
~OMG … Oh My God
~OPK … Ovulation Predictor Kit
~P&PT … Prayer & Positive Thoughts
~PG … Pregnant
~PI … Primary Infertility
~PMS … Pre-menstrual Syndrome
~POF … Premature Ovarian Failure
~POAS … Pee On a Stick
~PROM … Premature Rupture of Membranes
~PUTB … Pillow Under The Butt
~PV … Positive Vibes, pregnancy vibes,
~RE… Reproductive Endocronolgist- doctor who specialized in fertility problems
~ROFLMAO … Rolling On Floor Laughing My *ss Off
~RPL … Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
~RPS … Real Pregnancy Symptoms
~RSA … Recurrent Spontaneous Abortion
~Rx … Prescription
~SA … Semen Analysis
~SI … Secondary Infertility
~SO … Significant Other
~STD … Sexually Transmitted Disease
~SV … Sticky Vibes
~TR… Tubal Reversal
~TTC … Trying To Conceive
~TPQ… Time Pass Quickly
~TWW… Two Week Wait
~U/S … Ultrasound
~UTI … Urinary Tract Infection
~WBC … White Blood Cells
~WTG … Way To Go


For those who don’t know, TTC is Trying To Conceive. And yes, I’m TTC now. Funny because I never thought I will, not this soon anyway.

It all started after my honeymoon, I feel a little sick, nauseous and all, and I think I was pregnant. But it turned out I didn’t. And I feel so sad and it makes me rethink what I wanted. I never wanted baby so fast, I always thought I want to enjoy my married life first. But those feeling kinda like my wake up call and that’s when I know I want a baby.

So, the next cycle (Sep-Okt 2014) is the first cycle in my TTC journey. Oh, I do all the deeds. BD, and lift up my feet, pay attention to my ovulation day, and in two week wait (the gap between Ovulation Day and period due) I feel a whole lot of new symptoms I never feel before. Cramps now and then when I usually just had cramps one day prior before AF (Aunt Flo = period) comes, my boobs was so sore, nausea, I was sure I’m pregnant!

I tested on 10 DPO, its BFN (Big Fat Negative). Then again on 12 DPO still BFN. And AF came a day early than I expected. Long story short, here I am, on a dreadful TWW. and this is my second cycle trying.

Marriage = Losing Identity?

I wonder,
when people get married and or grow old, does it mean they lose their identity?
I always loved comic books since I was little. And for me growing old wouldn’t change it. Countless people will comment if I show interest in comics or games (I’m an avid gamer as well, tho mostly I play Sims and Harvest Moon series). They said “but you’re getting married!” or “You’re too old for that things!”

Can’t we have hobbies? And if my hobbies happen to be comics and games, then is it a bad thing? Should I have adult hobbies like knitting?

The hell with what people said. Who cares?